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What Do Men (Really) Like?!: 6 Things Men of Substance Value Most

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“Troy, I just don’t get it! What do men like?”

I could sense the frustration in her voice as she asked the question. She was just like a woman you may know – one who is frustrated with dating. She is exhausted from the games, tired of the lack of consistency, and worn out from men wanting to give her everything sexual but without commitment!

To her, the men people said were supposed to be so “simple” have turned into physics, accounting, and statistics all at the same time.

Value

Well, the truth is that I can’t tell you what men like because men like different things, but I can tell you (based on my thousands of conversations) 6 things men of substance VALUE most!

What Men of Substance Value Most

 

1. …Women Who Value Themselves

I know that newer generations are way more liberal in their behavior, and we live in the “don’t judge me age,” but the truth is: women that value themselves are viewed as more worthwhile of our time .

Women who value their bodies, their time, energy and minds are way more appealing to a man of substance. Taking care of yourself shows your ability to nurture, and that’s key if a man is looking for a woman to make a wife and start a family with.

Men are simple but we pay attention way more than we get credit for . How you take care of your body, your house, your car, and your family all matters.

 

2. …More Peace & Less Chaos

The men I speak to that are in the happiest relationships are the ones that are full of peace .

Not the “she doesn’t care what I do and she let’s me take advantage of her” peace, but that “she makes our house peaceful, we both give each other space, and she communicates instead of nagging me” type of peace. That “baby I’m going to watch the game with the fellas and she says “have fun” type of peace. I’m talking about that “hey baby how was your day?” when I walk in the door type of peace.

In other words if as a man you are fulfilling your obligations, she appreciates it and finds more reasons to love and less reasons to nag.

 

3. …Women Who Get Along Well With Others

Men of substance don’t like to be embarrassed and they value a woman who can handle herself in different places and in situations. I’m talking about the type of women who can be around the fellas and be cool. Or, she can be at the company Christmas party and can handle herself without her man by her side. Men also value the woman who isn’t always the one stirring up the drama. If you have a different circle of friends every few months because you “fell out” with the other ones then we notice and it’s not cute or cool.

 

4. …Women Who Can Cook!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know this is a new era and some women don’t feel they should have to cook anymore. I also know that more men are great cooks. So I get it, but I have yet to meet a man who didn’t like for a woman to know how to prepare a good meal.

It’s important if we consider building a family, it’s important for entertaining guests and family, and quite frankly it’s just sexy! We aren’t saying you have to be a gourmet chef but it doesn’t hurt to know how to whip up some spaghetti, or something!

Sure, we can buy food, but watching a woman do her thing in the kitchen is almost an aphrodisiac!

 

5. …Women Who Support More Than They Discourage

The truth is, men need emotional support from their women . It’s usually the only place where we can be vulnerable enough to admit it. And, men of substance with ambition and dreams need to know that you believe in him. Short, sweet and true.

 

6. …Sex!

Yes, I knew you saw this one coming.

But, I’m not saying you should go around giving of yourself to every man expecting him to value you. You don’t want to just be a laymate. That’s not healthy. The sex has to come after the substance , but once the substance is validated and true commitment is formed, then YES, we value sex.

I’m not just talking about the you lie there like a dead fish type of sex either. I’m talking about being an active participant, knowing what you want, and you taking initiative sometimes. Men want to feel wanted just as women do  and we want to be assured that we are satisfying you as well. It’s a team effort!

Ladies, you may think that this is BS and that you’ve tried all of these things and they didn’t work. That may be true, and maybe you just didn’t choose wisely or maybe he was just a jerk. Ultimately it’s not a perfect formula and you don’t have to try to have all these qualities at all times.

Understand that no matter what, if a man wants to be with you, he will do just that .

 

The question now becomes, “what makes you valuable?” Ask yourself this, but more importantly…know the answer.

 

This post is written by Troy Spry. Troy is a relationship coach and certified life coach. He is the creator of XKlusiveThoughts.com, a place dedicated to inspiring people to become their best selves. In addition to his website, you can find him on Twitter and Facebook.

Posted on: Mar 14, 2014

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73 comments
Rynick
Rynick

It's ufortunante that these "MEN OF OF SUBSTANCE" are too few and far in between if not married to someone most of the time who is opposite of his "SUBSTANCE" nature.LIFE!

Tabitha Hatton
Tabitha Hatton

U r so sexy to me i love a man with a little gray

Kaye Wright
Kaye Wright

I was thrilled to see the words "...of substance..." in the title of the post.  Many times women attempt to apply rules, mehods or actions to men (or boys) who are not of substance and subsequently they don't see the results they wish to see.  They then conclude that they've failed or that the advice about what men want was faulty.  Chronological age does not a man make, and ticks on a checklist does not mean a man of a certain chronological age has developed substance either.  The list of wants changes depending on who you are dealing with.  I think this list is dead on!

Ramona Griggs
Ramona Griggs

Love me some Idris Elba...it is getting HOT up in here now!!!

Lauren Gragg
Lauren Gragg

We give our best, when we see the best! If a man shows that he knows how to treat a wins from day 1, she will give him everything he desires!!! Stop by the flower shop (super market), compliment immediately, open the door & plan the date - u won't just get 6, u will get 16 things u want from us.

CW
CW

Well I guess I was just with the WRONG one...

Iyea Brandy
Iyea Brandy

I truly disagree....if the world is lacking men of substance than the world is lacking women of standard!

Iyea Brandy
Iyea Brandy

The key detail to this whole article is: a man who is looking to settle down and establish a family! If he is not ready than it's doesn't matter. Women look at potential and make it the greatest aspect of our choices. These suggestions are great but they have to made in conjunction with making great choices as well

Troy Spry
Troy Spry

Edward I agree that it's not size fits all. These were just a few of the consistent things I've heard through my years as a friend, coach, and just man. Thanks for reading!

Troy Spry
Troy Spry

Gloria I don't think the world is lacking good brothers, I think that's the picture that's get painted so often and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If all we are told is there are no good brothers then all we will find, or even worse, look for is the bad in brothers. There are good brothers and bad brothers just like there are good and bad sisters. Many times the narrative comes from the bad experiences women have from not choosing wisely and other times it's bc men don't behave wisely. I'm not being naive about what people go through but I do know that the people that change their mind sets end up having better experiences in dating! Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts!

Priya Gopal
Priya Gopal

Succesful dark men prefer blond wives. Status is the word.

RaineeJGrant
RaineeJGrant

These are very valid and thorough points. As a single woman and mother, my question is does these points change when the woman has children from a prior relationship? Will a man desire a woman after he finds out that she has kids?

Melissa D. Coleman
Melissa D. Coleman

These are simple things..... I know how to cook, but I'm not standing in a kitchen for hours for just any man.

Sherita Rogers
Sherita Rogers

I think if men (even men of substance) want sex then, 1. They should give sex a greater value than they do and 2. They should realize every woman is not the same and pleasure is a skill and talent meant for ppl willing to explore each other not just an ego trip.

Eileen Gordon Brennen
Eileen Gordon Brennen

I would really appreciate some advice for us 50 Year olds. I raised 3 kids alone. N raised them well. W faith n manners. They to great people. However I struggle to find good men of faith. Thank you for reading this. I know you are busy with your life. Just asking.

Eileen Gordon Brennen
Eileen Gordon Brennen

Paul. I love your advice but I really live all of the above n still have not found the right guy. Dated someone for 3+ years n thought he was the one but low n behold was fooled. He just wanted the good time girl. N he is 52 n I'm 49. I'm a "good" girl. Have respect for myself n others. Never moved in w the guy n he waited 3+ months for sex. I have my own life. What's the problem?!

Lchiha
Lchiha

I mean number 2? About peace

Joslin Henry
Joslin Henry

"Like" for article substance and for Idris, just being honest. Single and retired a year ago and have made the choice to focus on me and maybe some traveling:-)

Carol Anderson Rowe
Carol Anderson Rowe

What about the woman/women who offers all of this, and more, yet has difficulty meeting their quality counterparts??

Cassandra Bibbins
Cassandra Bibbins

I like I love sexy Man but he has to be right he has to know how to do him

Troy Spry
Troy Spry

Iyea I agree with you as well. We have to choose wisely and we have to understand the clear intentions of the person in the first place. Two peoples purposes in dating must align and then the other things will have to fall in place. Thanks for reading!

Troy Spry
Troy Spry

Rainee thanks for reading and commenting! To answer your question yes men will still desire you even if you have children. A good woman is still valuable to a good man even if she has kids. This isn't to say that some men would prefer not to date a woman with children but that's just a preference. The right man will accept you and your children as well and the wrong one won't. It doesn't make you less valuable as a woman it just means that who you choose to date has to be open to the idea. People blend families everyday and men marry women everyday that have children. You have to change your mindset and change how you view yourself and you might just change the outcome. Good luck!

RaineeJGrant
RaineeJGrant

Thank you so much for such positive insight. Changing the mindset is the key to everything.