How many times have you tried to assemble something on your own that you either a). could have gotten done much faster had there been another person to assist or b). had to delay it until you could round up some help?
I think we all have, which proves the fact that being independent does not negate the necessity of having a support system. You really don’t have to go it alone.
In life, I believe we all have a basic human need to have strong support - ideally with a mate. There is value in companionship, creating memories, and sharing vulnerabilities. So, I want to share with you the 5 reasons it’s better not to go it alone.
It Takes Two
As a single woman, there are many points in my life where I am left to my own devices when assembling things, taking out the garbage, and checking the air pressure in my tires. Now, I’m not saying that a man should have to do these things on my behalf, but if a man was available I would much rather have him on board to help me do them.
So, one day I was putting a decorative item together in my house and while reading the instructions, I noticed they had a special note that said: “This installation is much easier with 2 people. One person holds the fixture and the other sets up the pole sections to sustain the fixture in place.”
At first I was annoyed because I was by myself and knew it would be harder to assemble my new decorative table. Then, I started to think how nice it would be to have a man in my life to put this home décor together. But, then I thought about it from an even deeper perspective. Inside these directions was what I believed to be a powerful lesson about relationships and life all together.
Here are the 5 reasons why building a life with the right person could be (more) beneficial:
1. Their Presence Is Valuable
The value of having another person’s input is important – especially if you trust them. While assembling my decorative table, I sort of learned the hard way, that another person’s input would have been helpful. Because even though I did it (and it turned out to be a fun lesson), how much more fun would it have been if I had someone special helping me work through this? Having a mate there to help not only makes building a life easier, but the joy of having a companion to help you grow and learn through the process in new ways you can’t always do by yourself is priceless.
2. Everybody Needs Somebody
“I need you!” This is a hard statement for anyone to make, but it’s exactly what I wanted to yell when I took the table out of the box. Who I was shouting to, I don’t know. (Maybe my future husband?!) But, what I did know is that there are times where I do need someone. Yes, I can figure it out on my own much of the time. But, to be able to utter those words to someone you love and trust is freeing. Some of us have been hurt and are afraid to admit that we need someone, but despite putting on an independent facade to protect ourselves, that reality still remains.
3. You Build Something Wonderful Together
Assembling my table would have gone a whole lot faster if one person held the table top and the other sat the pole sections into the fixture. While doing this alone, I started to wonder what my role would have been and which of those position is more beneficial to getting the job done? I realize that while assembling a life, each person in the relationship has a role that will benefit the other – and ultimately, the whole. This is the key to building a life together successfully.
4. You Create Memorable Experiences
At the end of our life when our loved ones are gone, experiences and memories are all we have left, if we are lucky. My memory of putting this table together is that I did it by myself and probably won’t remember it in 2 years. But, what if my mate was there? Even though this was a small task, that very experience could have turned into a tradition or been made into a funny story…memories that could outlive us. The point is, with choosing NOT to go it alone, you not only work to build something with someone else, you create intangible memories and new experiences.
5. It’s Easier To Share the Burden
What is wrong with easy? The societal view is that we must work hard and it has to be the hard way/road for something to be rewarding or valuable. But why? If accomplishing something is a little easier with help, I would surely take that option. I would have loved to have someone with me to share the burden of assembling that stupid table. It would have been easier. Now, relationships do take work and that part won’t be easy. But, a common misconception is that it is easier to do it by yourself because you won’t have to deal with the drama of another person. In reality, the opposite may be true and having your spouse, partner, boyfriend, or girlfriend by your side makes the burdens of life lighter!
We are in an era where women and men are more independent of each other with regard to education, owning successful businesses and purchasing their own homes. And, I feel like some of us may have given up on the fact that we can do those same things with someone else, while still maintaining our own identities. So, if the instructions to assemble a small decorative plastic table suggests it is much easier to do it with two people, why don’t more of us have that same view?
Personally, I have never wanted to go it alone. By this, I mean that I have always wanted to share my life with a man. And one day I look forward to giving as well as sharing my love with someone special.
So, if you have that special person with whom you share special experiences with that add value to your life, let them know that you need them through the building process to make things easier.
It’s your turn: what are some other reasons why it’s better NOT to go it alone?
This post is written by Kevana Nixon, a psychotherapist currently earning her license as a Marriage, Family, and Sex Therapist. She’s also a passionate writer seeking to help both men and women better understand one another on her blog, Love Theories: Yours & Mine. You can also find her on Twitter and Facebook.
Posted on: Feb 26, 2014
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