We no longer live in the days where getting pushed around on the playground and teased means he likes you, as confusing as that was at the age of five. I’ve had the privilege of interviewing men across the country to find out what they look for in a partner. Since working for the Paul Carrick Brunson Agency, I’ve interviewed hundreds of men, in-depth. From the young professional of 27 in South Carolina, to the slightly seasoned of 73 in sunny California and let’s not forget all of the states above, below, and in between. The results are certainly noteworthy. So ladies if you’re wondering “How do I make it from girlfriend to wife?” or “how do I solidify my permanent place in his life”? Get your iPhones and Ipads out and start taking notes because I’ve got the top 5 answers straight from the horse’s mouth!
1. Let Him Be A Man
It is important to let him be the man and lead you. This does not mean be his “doormat”, but it means learn to be submissive. Yes, ladies I said it…submissive! There is no need to prance around in front of him, waving that illusive finger in the air quoting the lyrics to Destiny’s Child “Independent Woman”. Should there be an issue, articulate your feelings and thoughts in a respectful manner and if you’re really a pro, you will let him come up with the “brilliant” solution to resolving the issue…although we all know where it really came from.
2. Affirm Him
If you haven’t, already go grab a copy of “The Five Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman and educate yourself about Words of Affirmation because it’s a definite must read. Furthermore, if you haven’t memorized the 5 languages verbatim…shame on you as it can really help to make or break your current or future relationship. When you affirm your man, you uplift him. You praise him, even when he messes up. You do not belittle or ridicule him, talk about him behind his back to your family or friends, but instead make them feel like he’s one of the most important people in the world to you. Why? Because he should be!
3. Consistently Display Your Best Attributes
Learn the art of compromise, always be honest and loyal, maintain that spiritual base, and always present yourself at your very best externally and internally. Don’t think you can get by on just your good looks. A great man sees your inner beauty and that is more important than the physical which will change over time.
4. Don’t Try and Change The Man He Already Is
Men will marry a woman for the person she is right now today, not thinking or wishing secretly that she will change over time, but some woman will marry a man for the person they believe he has the potential to be and not 100% for the man he already is. A person will only open up door and allow for change (good or bad) to happen, if they themselves feel it is necessary. Now, truth be told there is nothing wrong with wanting better or more however when it comes to a man, what you see more often than not, is exactly what you’re going to get…at least for the foreseeable future. Simply accept your guy for who he is today while giving him encouragement or a little nudge along the way through his journey to becoming the man he ultimately desires to be.
5. Be His Biggest Fan
The male ego is a fragile and every now and again it needs to be stroked. Men want that praise when they’ve done something great, that secret corny handshake that only two of you share and you wouldn’t dare do it in public, that “way to go babe, I’m so proud of you” or even a simple acknowledgment or token of appreciation when you see him accomplishing a dream or goal, overcoming a challenge or standing out in a crowd! The idea that his woman will be his cheerleader all the way to the finish line is paramount and will never be forgotten. Show and prove that if and when things get tough and possibly hit the fan that you’re going to be right there and you’ve got his back!
When men are looking at a potential partner they want someone who will not only share in their vision, but also help to enhance and bring that vision to life. Men want a partner that will act as a sounding board, someone who will convey honesty, help be a foundation for him and someone they can proudly introduce to their family and friends. Although men often refrain from admitting this, there is a psychological need for companionship, loyalty, and trust that is extremely important to them just like it is for women.
Outside of the basics we all are aware of when it comes to having a successful relationship, men have shared with me, that they are in fact asking themselves these important questions: “What would it take for a woman to become my wife?” And, “What does she have to bring to the table?” The days of a trophy wife are over. Ladies, you must get your hands a little dirty! If you want to land the leading role in his life, make sure you invest in laying the proper foundation.
Posted on: Oct 24, 2013
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