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Falling in Love with Potential is a Mistake!

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I told the moderator of a panel I was on: “falling in love with potential is a mistake.” The moderator looked at me like I was crazy. He gave me the side-eye and said: “I don’t agree at all, Michelle Obama married for potential and look at her now.”

My jaw dropped to the floor, what a ridiculously misinformed comment.

The truth of the matter is when 25 year-old Michelle Robinson met 27 year-old Barack Obama he had the following in his favor:

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  • Harvard Law graduate (a distinction they shared)
  • Former Editor and first African American President of the Harvard Law review (a much sought-after position)
  • Considered by many at Harvard Law and his new law firm to be a prodigy
  • Summer associate at a prestigious corporate law firm (where Michelle worked)
  • Shared values (discovered by Michelle’s time mentoring Barack at the firm)
  • Athletic and avid basketball player
  • Single and available…HELLO!

In other words, he had it going on. BIG TIME!!!

I won’t argue he didn’t also have a bright future ahead but no one can say he wasn’t compelling upon their first introduction.

This is my point, if the person who stands before you today isn’t compelling, don’t gamble your life on their potential to become compelling.

Don’t waste your time!

So often I see good-willed people focus much of their energy on attempting to “rescue” or “upgrade” their partner. They give unreciprocated time, love, money, energy, and advice. I’m sure you know someone doing this right now. If so, do them a favor and have a good Come-To-Jesus talk with them. The truth is they’re not in a relationship, they’re working on a science project. They haven’t fallen in love with the actual man/woman before them, they have actually fallen in love with the “ideal” of the man/woman of their dreams. This is dangerous because often times “ideal” is never realized.

Having a healthy relationship with your partner means loving them for who stands before you today, not the hope of who they will be tomorrow.

 

Posted on: Jun 7, 2013

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86 comments
POTENTIAL WORKED FOR ME
POTENTIAL WORKED FOR ME

I do not completely agree with this opinion.  When I met potential he had absolutely nothing, but barriers to overcome.  Potential was just released from prison after 8 years and was living in transitional housing.  I met potential at work where he came to receive our services fro employment and education.  Potential was 29 years old with a violent criminal background, amongst other things.  But, Potential also had dreams, determination, and faith.  Once Potential was given a work experience through my agency potential rode a bike 12 miles each day along with taking the bus to get to work on time each day and he did not miss a day during his 6 weeks of work experience which only paid him $7.25 and hour.  His supervisor and fellow co-workers constantly gave him exceptional weekly evaluations about his work ethic, skills, knowledge and abilities.  We were not dating at this time but I saw his potential. # months after his release Potential showed an interest in me, and my immediate response was H to the No...because he had nothing but potential and I was not taking care of a man and especially a man with a criminal background, I was determined not to be used again, but Potential won me over because I saw his determination, his struggles, his will and drive to succeed and turn his life around given this second chance, and hey I knew he had potential.  Long story short it took Potential an entire year to find gainful employment but before then he job searched daily, went on interview after interview only to be turned down because of his past, got up 3:30 in the morning to try to get day work, he also decided to enter school for an HVAC Program.  I stayed by him, supported him and I on one income, because I knew he had potential and things would change for the better, I prayed for him daily, and one day God just blessed him with gainful full-time employment with benefits.  He is a great man to me, my family and friends adore him.  He graduated from his HVAC Program 2 weeks ago and he proposed to me last year on my birthday December 24, 2014, with a custom made diamond ring, HELLO!!! We are planning our wedding in November 2015, he is looking fro employment in HVAC and still working full-time, and he is planning to seek a Bachelor's Degree in Business Administration in 2016.  All this is because of GOD and potential!!! Potential may not be for everybody but potential was definitely for me, and I have no regrets about falling in love with POTENTIAL.

Pamela Talbert
Pamela Talbert

Albeit that might true and may have stats to prove it...love is not an exact science.

LYHMEDIA
LYHMEDIA

The Truth...been there done that...No MO' Project Love !


Percy Holmes
Percy Holmes

I needed a word and this popped up while scrolling \U0001f64c

Linda Stewart
Linda Stewart

Potential has evidence or it is not potential. It is wishful thinking. So, yes, fall in love with potential.

Tori Buckner
Tori Buckner

Xavier Johnson hope u don't mind but I thought about ur question posted. This is an excellent response.

Tori Buckner
Tori Buckner

So true!!! I've been arguing this for years!

relentlessaaron
relentlessaaron

I believe you're talking semantics. When Hill Harper said "But I had potential," he was referring to a time that he had big dreams, and was in motion to fulfill them. Look at Hill's earlier movies and you'd never imagine him to be the global phenom he is today. Barack indeed had "potential;" wasn't President, Senator, the greatest speaker. He was a man with potential. The challenge for a woman is most likely to be able to "identify" that great leader in the crop of wannabes in our circles. A woman must be able to see past the smoke & mirrors before her.

THIS IS NOT AN ARGUMENT, THO! Indeed, I would want a compelling mate to match my own magnetism and energy. But to your point, I don't believe I was the compelling force I am today, way back when. Dreamer. Introvert. Wayward. Even a con artist at some point. But never did I imagine I'd be a best selling author with film deals and a world of fans that regard & celebrate my existence... my voice. Peace

Mel E Mel
Mel E Mel

yes lawd it is a huge mistake

Sophia Chambers
Sophia Chambers

Agree, I have seen a lot of people make that mistake .

Tisha Oliver
Tisha Oliver

Nothing wrong with falling for drive focus commitment, and knowledge but everyone has potential, are they utilizing it. That's like having a car with no keys you still not going anywhere

LaKeysha Thornton
LaKeysha Thornton

Amen to that, been there, done that and don't want to do it again.

Ursula Dube
Ursula Dube

So true Pamsy. Love them as they are whole heartedly. . Lol @science project.. Sithabiso Mbele pls read

Tishawn Fortner
Tishawn Fortner

This is why people who dont have their affairs in order arent date worthy..lol.My life has been in a stall for 6 years.I dare not bring anyone in my world just to dedtroy theres.I just wish these men out here were courteous to do the same.Lots of people throw valuable years away on wasteful people!

Jackaay OH
Jackaay OH

On point and on time!!! Thanks Paul Danielle McCray Maalikah Yorke

Cecily Johnson
Cecily Johnson

I agree with every single word !!!!!! Love this ! a person that hasn't reached potential in some way is rarely ready for love ;) #imfeelinit❤️

Erica Lee
Erica Lee

Got this lesson..don't do it!

Liz's Daughter
Liz's Daughter

Potential in your 20's is different than potentional in your 40's. In your 40's if you are still "talking" about what you are going to do and not doing it....you probably won't.

Melanie Liesegang
Melanie Liesegang

It's not the things he has ore the job ore the money for what i love my man!! And it is not always easy but if u love someone u will go with that person till taff moments change!! But if u see a person try to give there best but economy crisis and and and ....... not giving him a change than u need to be stronger and on the side from your partner!! I don't choice my parter about his carrier ore money ore benefits !!! I love ore i not

Reyes Jeanet
Reyes Jeanet

This has been my mistake many times, before realizing it, AFTER I met Mr. Compelling. I'm truly IN LOVE right now

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